Ranking jelly beans to determine the perfect choice for your Easter basket

When we were kids, we’d wake up on Easter morning and begin scouring the house for our Easter baskets. I’m not sure how it worked in your household, but in ours, the Easter Bunny put a lot of effort into hiding the baskets belonging to my siblings and me. The goal was always to find your basket before the family had to leave for church, but as we got older, the Easter Bunny made it harder and harder to find our baskets. (It also probably didn’t help that if we found our sister’s Easter basket before she did, we’d re-hide it, making it impossible for the Easter Bunny to give her any guidance.)

For most of our childhood, those Easter baskets were filled with Brach’s jelly beans. Was there any other kind back then? It was only when we got older that Starburst jelly beans arrived on the scene and revolutionized Easter candy.

The Easter aisles at Target and the grocery store are packed with options for jelly beans now. To figure out which jelly bean is the one you should hope to see in your Easter basket, I enlisted the help of my wife, Caitlin Emma, for this edition of Ranked!

She came to this task armed with her own history of candy expertise (she’s a fan of Cadbury Mini Eggs … and Werther’s Originals) and a patience for my habit of constantly bringing home new varieties of candy or having to swing by Taco Bell to try the latest limited item. We spent a Friday evening after putting our daughter to bed going through six different brands of jelly beans. It was a serious process.

As you scroll these rankings, you might be asking, Where is Jelly Belly? Why didn’t you include them in this list? Well, I made the decision that Jelly Belly jelly beans aren’t an Easter thing. And, honestly, they’re kind of disgusting. You wanna induce vomiting? Give me a popcorn-flavored Jelly Belly jelly bean.

I also avoided introducing spinoffs of these standard brands into the mix. So no Starburst FaveReds or Brach’s All Reds.

Methodology

Here’s how Snackology Ranked! works: A guest and myself each sample a select number of items. We each then rank the items on a numeric scale, with 1 being the best, 2 being the second the best, and so forth. Those scores are then added together for their combined score. The items are then ranked in order of their combined score. Snackology Ranked! is a nonscientific survey and is absolutely based on the opinions and whims of the people doing the rankings. This is a newsletter about junk food — not Wirecutter or Consumer Reports. Geez.

5T. Jolly Ranchers

Combined score: 9

Bill’s thoughts

Ranking: 5

Jolly Ranchers jelly beans are tiny. The flavor of the blue one is fun, but they’re no way as good as the other options we’re looking at for these rankings.

Caitlin’s thoughts

Ranking: 4

These remind me of the syrup that gets poured onto snow cones. The bubblegum one or whatever that is tastes vile. Exactly like children’s bubblegum toothpaste. Watermelon is enjoyable, I guess. And overall, the flavors are pretty strong. But these don’t need to exist.

5T. SweeTarts

Combined score: 9

Bill’s thoughts

Ranking: 3

A curveball in the jelly bean world. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a SweeTart, but these jelly beans instantly brought me back to those flavors. These ones are definitely chewier and tangier than what you’d expect in your Easter basket.

Caitlin’s thoughts

Ranking: 6

BOOOOOOOOOO. I loathe SweeTarts in general and this is really validating. Really bad. Throw all SweeTarts products into the ocean immediately.

3T. Big Chewy Nerds

Combined score: 7

Bill’s thoughts

Ranking: 4

Huh, I had no idea what to expect with Big Chewy Nerds. Over the past few months, Nerds Gummy Clusters have become my go-to candy, and I really hoped to get some of that experience with these jelly beans. I’m not sure what to make of them. They’re good … but are they jelly beans?

Caitlin’s thoughts

Ranking: 3

I was fully prepared to hate these and be really colorful about it, but they’re so good? I don’t think they’re jelly beans, though. It feels wrong to call them jelly beans. But they’re kind of doing something that I haven’t really tasted in a previous candy that’s hard to describe. Overall surprisingly strong.

3T. Brach’s Classic

Combined score: 7

Bill’s thoughts

Ranking: 6

If you grew up before the candy explosion of the last few decades, Brach’s was the jelly bean you were going to get in your Easter basket. There weren’t any other options. It’s a good thing we have real options now, since these are an instant pass for me. Somehow flavorless and too sweet at the same time? I guess if you love sunscreen-flavored jelly beans, Brach’s is your best option.

Caitlin’s thoughts

Ranking: 1

I fricken love these jelly beans. They really speak to my love of polarizing candy for old people. They are classic — perfect. Nostalgic, overly sweet and texturally unmatched. I just wish the black licorice jelly bean was still part of the party. Yes, that’s right. In fact, marginal points off for no black jelly beans. But basically 10/10.

2. Skittles

Combined score: 6

Bill’s thoughts

Ranking: 1

Wait, are these actually Starburst jelly beans? (I checked the bag, and they’re not.) Great crunch on the shell. And there’s lime instead of green apple! I’m shocked by how much I like these guys. They’re what I remembered Starburst jelly beans being.

Caitlin’s thoughts

Ranking: 5

Super weak. Ugh. These are trying so hard to be Starburst. They taste diluted or something. Sad. Don’t need to exist.

1. Starburst

SCORE: 4

Bill’s thoughts

Ranking: 2

I came in thinking these were the GOAT of jellybeans. How do you go wrong with red and pink? But the shell isn’t what I remembered it to be. Still, an all-timer entry in jelly bean canon. If you got jelly beans in your Easter basket the past twenty years, these were the jelly beans you hoped to get.

Caitlin’s thoughts

Ranking: 2

Really good. A very strong overall contender. You have to respect it. The fruits are all very individual flavors and they’re sweet in a way that’s also balanced and nuanced. They don’t creep into that tart territory that just pisses me off. Love them.

How’d we do?

Is your favorite ranked too low? Was there an upset that you just can’t stand? Did we miss your pick completely? Let me know in the comments.